The Big Five Don'ts

As a relationship coach, I spend my days speaking to men about dating and relationships and, ultimately, the female psychology of courtship aka what women want. One question that seems to be coming up lately from men I speak with is why a woman could perceive a bad first date when he thought that it went well enough that he would like to take her on a second date. It's fair to say that these five don'ts will most certainly negate anything more than a slim chance of a second date. You DON'T want to miss this one. Trust me! Let's dive right in. 

  1. Don't expect her to wait an hour for dinner when you could have made reservations in advance. If you both agree to a place that does not take reservations, then she is prepared for a wait outside or to be crammed into a busy bar. Otherwise, you just sent her a message that this date wasn't worth the extra sixty seconds it takes to make a reservation online. She will notice your lack of preparation, which not a good start. 
  2. Don't allow your phone to dominate your attention during the date. If you do, she will be wondering why you asked her out when you weren't planning to engage in conversation with her but you were willing to text your buddies while she watched in silence. Put the phone down on the table to minimize distraction and show her respect. You can always check your updates, text messages, etc. while you escape to the men's room just minimize screen time in her presence. 
  3. Don't drink more than two drinks. Period. When you drink more than a few drinks, women cannot determine if your behavior is alcohol related or your natural personality. More than a few can alter how she experiences you on the date. And, if she can't determine if it was you or the alcohol talking, she doesn't actually get to know you and she may never after this date. Limit the booze if you want to make a good impression. 
  4. Don't treat the date like she's being interviewed. You are not hiring on your date, you are there to engage with a woman you find attractive, intelligent, and intriguing. Therefore, spend your time conversing with her rather than interviewing her. And, avoid confrontation or challenging her in conversions because her defense mechanisms very well may be triggered and, if they are, she will not want a repeat of this again. 
  5. Don't ask needy, insecure, or demanding questions of your date. Don't box her into a corner that she cannot escape from simply because you're letting your insecurities drive the show. A first date is not the place for you to demand that she gives you verbal affirmations. This is absolutely bad date behavior. If you are begging her and demanding that she tell you at dinner if you want to go out with her again, she will feel the overwhelming feeling of your neediness which will guarantee you will NOT get a second date. Note that alcohol can play a role in this DON'T behavior so watching the booze intake will likely help you keep your behavior and insecurities in check. 

Here's the bottom line... Almost all of these habits can be reversed which will naturally increase her experience of you on a first date. 

Yet, the insecurities still continue to surface and impact your dating life until you become more aware of the behavior and change the underlying beliefs that rejection is inevitable. 

As part of my coaching, I specifically address this when it surfaces to transform the beliefs associated with how women will treat you, whether they are attracted to you, and whether they have a desire for you strong enough for another date. 

As relationship coach for high-achievers, I provide expert guidance on how to avoid these patterns keeping you stuck in a string of first dates or a series of highly dysfunctional relationships. I have a private invitation for singles, just like you. But, one question first... Are you ready to create a relationship that actually lasts, like the long-term committed kind with lasting love? I invite you to book an "Intimacy Inventory" private call to discover what's stopping you from attracting the relationship you desire and what your very next step should be to move you closer toward your relationship goals. >>> BOOK A PRIVATE CALL



Laura Wood