Will Closure Be Enough?
Recently I shared with you on the blog that I was celebrating a great love in 2017 and the resulting heartbreak. I know it sounds like an odd thing to celebrate, but I have never regretted allowing myself to fall in love even with the risk of heartbreak. I am not immune to the pain, betrayal, sadness, fears, insecurities or any other emotions you experience. This is all part of the human experience of being in relationship. If you put yourself out there, you will risk some pain in your efforts to find lasting love. Everyone who dates with an open heart opens themselves up to heartbreak as well. But, when you find the love you are searching for, you will become crystal clear on your desires for a future together. And, when you do, you will be open to defining it and exploring a life together without hesitation.
Understanding the power of clarity and closure, a.k.a. the ending, of a relationship is crucial in moving you closer to finding lasting love and a fulfilling relationship. Let's start here with what we know to be true... Ending a relationship is always complicated, complex, and highly emotional. This is one of the reasons so many singles are willing to live in the gray "unknown" zone and avoid the complications of actually defining the relationship as something other than just a casual relationship. When you actually put a label on a relationship, sometimes there is no longer a relationship to define. No actual, real commitment. And, sometimes, you find yourself accepting the status quo of the "unknown" zone just to avoid a breakup so you aren't risking being single again. I think most people would call this "settling" for something less out of fear rather than from of a decision made from a place of high self-worth, confidence, and love. But, who really wants to linger? NOT ME. And, I imagine if you are reading this, you don't either. Wanting more is NOT wrong. It just may be that wanting more from this relationship or this person is not the right choice. And, it's not wrong of you to desire clarity and closure. Clear communication is a powerful tool in helping you gain both clarity and closure.
Don't get me wrong... I am not a breakup coach. I am a relationship coach for singles. I meet my clients where they are in their own personal relationships and help give guidance on how to strengthen an existing relationship, end a relationship, or even create a new relationship. Some relationships are dying or are already dead when my clients find me, and I help them gain the clarity they need to move closer to attracting a truly fulfilling relationship. I support my clients in determining what actions they need to take in their relationships regardless of whether it is ending a relationship or beginning a new one.
This year, I have helped a number of clients gain clarity in whether they desired to continue their relationships or face the ending of it with honesty, authenticity, and integrity. What I have seen is that the biggest challenge for both men and women when it comes to ending a relationship is how clearly he/she communicates the closing of the chapter once and for all. What I see most often is a text or a conversation that leaves way too much open for interpretation when you talk about what you really desire from the other person in building a future together. And, in all of the vagueness of the conversation, there isn't really a firm decision to end the relationship. Communication just becomes more sporadic and you linger in the unknown territory for far too long, missing far too many other opportunities. And, it's in the unknown zone where you torture yourself with the whys, maybes, one days, what-if's, why-not's, and so many more excuses, justifications, and lies. It's time to take an inventory of what you really desire from your dating life. Don't settle out of fear. Don't drag around old baggage. Set yourself free. You're not wrong to want more. Date radically different than ever before if you desire a radically different result. No more excuses.
Never underestimate the power of clarity in a relationship and having closure so you can move forward without an old relationship holding you back. Yes, getting really clear on whether you desire to continue a relationship is not always an easy or comfortable process. But, it can be incredibly freeing and give you the strength you need to put yourself back on track to attracting the lasting love you deeply desire.
XOXO, Laura Lee Wood
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