Loving Over the Pain
The Consequences of Loving Over and Despite of the Pain
If you would have asked me five years ago if I thought I would become a love coach, I would have laughed out loud. I was the most unlikely person to leave the practice of law for love coaching.
Let’s go back about 20 years… I prayed every single day for God to send me “The One” beginning at 15-years-old. As a Southern Baptist girl strong in her faith I knew I would meet “The One”. Fast forward about eight years later- I married a man from my hometown in rural Alabama. A man I had known my entire life. And, our marriage lasted 10 years.
Now, it‘s time for the rest of the story… About five years ago, I realized my marriage was ending. The one thing in life I promised myself was that my child would grow up with both of his parents living together. As a child of divorced parents, all I ever wanted was a successful marriage. But, I failed. My promise broken forever. I had never imagined a life without the perfect marriage, perfect career, and a house full of perfect children. All of those dream died too.
The dream in my 15-year-old girl’s heart died a slow and painful death. I did not understand who I was or even what I desired for my own life outside of being a wife and mother. My divorce took me places I never imagined possible. I felt the pain, sadness, anger, and a wide range of fears. I hadn’t planned for these dreams to die and change my entire life. Divorce and it‘s agony wasn’t in the plan I had for my life.
It happened anyway. My marriage ended. My dreams died.
And, I my heart and soul felt empty. I lost hope and faith in love, relationships, in finding forever, and in marriage.
But, one man changed everything I knew about relationships, love, intimacy, and kindness. About a year after my divorce, I met and fell in love with an incredible man. I had never experienced love like that before. He reminded me of the intimacy of giving love and receiving his love. I felt alive again for the first time in a long time. He ignited a fire in my soul and awakened the sensual woman within me.
He was the most amazing man I had ever met yet I ran when things go too real for me to handle. I allowed my fears and insecurities to ruin one of the best relationships in my life because I didn’t have the skills to create a deeper connection or show vulnerability. I was still guarding my heart and I never really let him in. I’m ashamed to even admit that I was the coward who ran from the relationship because I feared I wasn’t “enough” and that he would find out eventually that I wasn’t as perfect on paper as I had been during our relationship. I feared he would discover my deepest insecurities and my secrets. I feared he would leave me if he really knew who I was and what I struggled with the most.
Looking back, I wasn’t ready because I hadn’t given myself permission to experience the pain from my divorce. I “loved over and despite of it all”- the shame, disappointment, insecurities, doubts, unworthiness, and failure. I thought that if I stuffed the pain down deep enough that my love alone would be enough. Turns out, it wasn’t.
This relationship showed me that I had a road ahead of me that involved releasing the baggage, healing my heart, and learning new ways to maintain a remarkable relationship. I experienced deep sadness when I faced my own failures and in doing so it also gave me an opportunity for growth in every area of my personal life.
Most of my adult life I’ve chosen to deny myself permission to accept imperfection. I hated knowing I had failed my marriage and yet another relationship. So, I became more determined than ever to change the way I perceived the world and how I lived within in. I desired more connection, intimacy, and deeper relationships. I’ve learned that when I’ve been willing to give myself permission to let my desires lead my heart, I’ve experienced fulfilling relationships and deeper emotional connections.
When I gave myself full permission to embrace more vulnerability, communicate with transparency and honesty, and share respect as well as deep gratitude, all of my personal relationships transformed. I wasn’t just loving over the pain anymore. I was living and loving from a place of truth, love, and trust.
I’ve never regretted falling in love despite the heartbreaks. This relationship taught me to believe in love again. I do. I always will. I believe in forever love for everyone.
Over two-and-a-half years ago, I left my perfect on paper job and began my entrepreneurship journey that led me from law to love. I’ve never regretted the decision to create a new life for myself and my son, which is one filled with love. I found great guidance from my own coach during my darkest days and I wouldn’t be here writing this story today without his support. With his help, I learned how to take a deeper look into my own beliefs and allow myself to be set free from the baggage I had been carrying for far too long. I learned how to create deeper connections and create intimacy, transparency, and vulnerability in my romantic relationships so my heart was open to finding forever love. With my own transformation, I began dating differently and I saw an immediate change in the caliber of men I was attracting with high-quality potential for a lasting relationship.
Now, my mission is to help other successful singles build the foundation for a remarkable relationship with someone to love -and do life with- forever. I now teach singles how to create, maintain and sustain remarkable relationships and I share these skills with my clients so their own insecurities aren’t blocking them from finding forever love. You don’t have to just love over the pain anymore. There is another way. You can find forever love and create your own happily ever after. Sometimes, we all need a little guidance. XOXO